The Celtics are going to comb the Pacers

Oliver, why are you doing this?

Why are you penning this extremely silly column? Why are you making daring and uncompromising predictions for seemingly no purpose, demanding the wrath of your complete state of Indiana and of the web? We ask once more, why should you do that? Why should you tempt the armies of destiny to march in your soul like a Greek heroine drowning within the River Styx?

As a result of generally in life, we’re known as to do one thing. And proper now, I’m known as to say that the Boston Celtics are going to comb the Indiana Pacers.

Typically we’ve got a duty to the world. We should level to the bleachers like Babe Ruth calling his shot, declaring that our religion in our workforce and our information of ball will carry us ahead on a chariot of gold. We should dig deep inside ourselves and discover what it’s we actually imagine, after which loudly proclaim it to the world—irrespective of the implications—as a result of that’s what it means to be free.

And generally, we’ve got a duty to ourselves. We hear the beckoning of fame and glory on the high of the mountain. Although the street could also be perilous, the spoils of accurately predicting that the Celtics will sweep the Pacers shimmer like diamonds. The promise of victory laps, ego journeys, and a spot within the pantheon of right NBA Playoffs predictions for the 2024 Japanese Convention Finals loom too giant to not push ahead.

And so, I shall.

The sweep comes right down to a two-pronged principle: matchup and non secular fanaticism.

The Pacers will not be a foul workforce, however they aren’t good both. They completed a single tiebreaker over the Philadelphia 76ers out of the Play-In with a pedestrian 47-35 document, although their roster was hardly at full power till the acquisition of Pascal Siakam on the commerce deadline and the gradual recuperation of Tyrese Haliburton from a hamstring damage that he, considerably mockingly, suffered towards the Celtics.

The narrative in and round Boston this previous week has been about how the Celtics haven’t been remotely challenged of their so-far dominant, 8-2 playoff run to the Japanese Convention Finals, and that’s true. The Miami Warmth didn’t have Jimmy Butler or Terry Rozier, and the Cleveland Cavaliers had been with out Donovan Mitchell for Video games 4 and 5 and Jarrett Allen for your complete second spherical. That’s, objectively, not very difficult.

The Pacers have been challenged extra, however that’s solely as a result of they’re a worse workforce. Had the Celtics rolled by way of the injury-obliterated Milwaukee Bucks and the we’re-literally-out-of-dudes New York Knicks within the first two rounds, we might be having the very same conversations.

Picture by Patrick McDermott/Getty Photos

Indiana performed very effectively this season on the backs of a resurgent Pascal Siakam, who appears extra poised and assertive than ever after his departure from a Toronto Raptors workforce that merely couldn’t wait to begin tanking. Earlier than his damage, Tyrese Haliburton regarded like a authentic MVP candidate, although an all-time-terrible Sport 5 towards the Knicks exemplified his relative spottiness since.

The one factor the Pacers are is quick, although it’s nearer to somebody driving a automobile down a drag strip at 160 miles per hour with a cinderblock on the accelerator and screaming “WOOOO” than a well-oiled F1 racer making pin-perfect turns at excessive speeds. Aaron Nesmith performs like he has a hyperdrive, and revenge video games towards the Celtics are principally like spitting gasoline instantly on the engine like that dude in Mad Max: Fury Highway.

They used that pace to complete off the Knicks, as soon as head coach Rick Carlisle reportedly lit into his workforce after their Sport 5 disasterclass. Presumably, he implored them to easily run previous the Knicks off of rebounds and even made baskets, since these guys had been so drained they weren’t even working on fumes anymore; they had been simply pushing the automobile from the again.

However that pace mockingly makes them a wonderful matchup for the Celtics, since Boston’s kryptonite is methodical, cerebral groups that attempt to choose them aside and out-execute them in tight spots, such because the 2022 Golden State Warriors, who had Stephen Curry giving Al Horford and Robert Williams III nightmares in drop protection. The Denver Nuggets did related picking-apart this 12 months of their two conferences, as have the Warmth in numerous profitable and unsuccessful playoff collection over the previous few years.

The key to beating the Celtics is slowing them down, since they tend to make the worst determination conceivable when the sport begins getting drowned in molasses, akin to a facet step three with 17 seconds on the shot clock or infinite isolation possessions whereas the remainder of the workforce simply stands round.

But when different groups wish to run? That’s when the Celtics recover from themselves and have performed a few of their greatest basketball of the 12 months, each in wins and losses. The January 3 loss to the Oklahoma Metropolis Thunder was weirdly an encouraging recreation for Boston, because it noticed them get actually good photographs in a fast-paced surroundings and confirmed Jayson Tatum’s true defensive upside towards Shai-Gilgeous Alexander.

One week later, the Celtics beat the Minnesota Timberwolves in an extra time barn burner, which noticed them execute a heroic comeback that was arguably spurred by the Timberwolves’ incapability to relax the hell out. A couple of well timed turnovers and a few quick-feet execution noticed the Celtics produce possibly their greatest win all 12 months. And it was super-fast paced.

Indiana goes to play the way in which they must: with overwhelming pace. They beat the Knicks with unbelievably potent taking pictures numbers and by working previous a workforce that might not sustain with them athletically. However they haven’t performed something near the Celtics, and are about to search out out why that’s not going to work.

The Pacers would have been annihilated by the Bucks with a wholesome Giannis Antetokounmpo, as they don’t even have the thought of a defender giant sufficient to deal with him. As an alternative, they acquired to throw Andrew Nembhard and T.J. McConnell at Damian Lillard, but nonetheless couldn’t discover a technique to cease Khris Middleton from taking pictures over all of their heads. Towards New York, they performed a workforce whose largest participant by far was Isaiah Hartenstein, and all their perimeter gamers had been 6’5” on an excellent day or shorter.

Briefly—pun meant—they aren’t ready for the mix of measurement and athleticism that the Celtics are about to hit them with. Derrick White and Jrue Vacation will not be small by any definition—they each stand about 6’5”—but are the shortest dudes the Celtics will throw out in clutch moments. Haliburton is a straight-up unhealthy defender, and whereas Nembhard and Nesmith are bodily, it’s not like they’re elite-level stoppers.

McConnell is a superb defender, however even when he can in some way erase his four-inch peak disparity towards the 2 guards, he has no probability towards the overwhelming measurement of Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown until he can strip the ball on each single drive to the basket. Siakam must take that task, and he’s each by no means been a very inspiring defender nor can he guard two guys.

The Pacers do not need the gamers to match up with the Celtics, and Boston conversely has each possibility on the planet to throw at them. They’re younger and wholesome sufficient to run with them and easily have higher horses to do it. Indiana must get criminally sizzling to steal even one recreation, and clearly that will occur. However that forgets prong two of the plan: fanaticism.

I’m sick of the Celtics not sweeping different groups. Over 21-percent of all playoff collection have led to a sweep, but that is now eight straight collection with out one, courting all the way in which again to the primary spherical sweep of the Brooklyn Nets in 2022. I’m not normally an enormous stathead, however the Celtics’ document, web score, offensive score and residential/street splits this 12 months compute to… uh (carry the 4, how do you do lengthy division once more?)… most likely no less than one sweep throughout this playoff run, and this can be their final probability to snag one.

I’m not saying the Celtics must, however man wouldn’t it be good to simply smoke a workforce one in all as of late. Why can we at all times want the compulsory “oh look, Staff X had the best taking pictures efficiency in workforce historical past” recreation in each collection? Do we actually must go spherical and spherical with wake-up-calls, the offense getting caught within the mud, or a collection of maddening post-game interviews about “recommitting to protection” or “we’re not essentially a superteam, however folks anticipate us to win each recreation?”

Yeah, we do. As a result of each recreation, you’re the Boston Celtics and the opposite workforce will not be. You’re stacked to the nines with one of many best lineups in NBA historical past having been graced with a six-lane consolation cruise by way of the Japanese Convention. I don’t learn about everybody else’s calculations, however I refuse to imagine the Celtics can not simply pull out a broomstick and sweep this workforce.

After they misplaced Sport 2 to the Cavaliers, I wrote most likely the angriest column I’ve ever put out into the world, demanding this workforce drop the entitlement and show they’re above the identical errors which have sunk this ship up to now. Within the spirit of mystical manifestation, this piece could be a pre-challenge to rise to the event. Sweep the Pacers! Do it! You’re greater than succesful!

I received’t must get indignant about the identical errors since they received’t occur. Indiana will get to go house pleased with their future and thrilled that they even made it to the convention finals within the first place, and the Celtics will advance to the NBA Finals with a 12-2 playoff document.